Loss, Life, Love.

SOOO much has happened in mine and Josh's life lately... Some Pretty amazing things and some pretty hard things I haven't really been willing to share until now... First we will start with the good me and josh just got back from disneyland about a month ago and it was so much fun to just get away and relax:)... Then when we got back we had and interview with the Police Dept Josh applied for... So I guess I should say it was his interview, but the cheif wanted to talk to me to! Right in the middle of the interview Josh was offered the job!! It was so awesome:) and I seriously am sooo proud of him and all he has accomplished with his life! Then the next day I just felt weird I had felt weird the whole time we were on vacation to, I was just always tired and just needed some serious sleep... Sooo I decided to take a pregnancy test because I just had this feeling... and it came back positive, while I was so scared me and Josh were both so excited... but I just always had a weird feeling about the pregnancy from the beginning I can't explain it... Maybe a lot of it had to do with me being diabetic, while many diabetic women have just as successful pregnancies as those that are not I would say that it is a thought that is always in the back of your mind.. But I went to my first doctors app... As a Diabetic doctors prefer to see you a lot earlier than normal just to make sure everything is running smoothly so far in the pregnancy so I had my first ultrasound at 5 weeks and everything looked good!!! I was so relieved but like I said earlier there was always just that thought in the back of my mind... but we had so many good things going for us I just went on and only thought of the positive things:) Then I went to my 8 week app, Josh couldn't go with me that time because of this new job so my mom came, and the doctor did the Ultrasound and i only measured 6 weeks, it was a lot to take in and i honestly didnt know how to feel my only thought was I have to tell Josh over text message, he can't talk while at work obviously with what he does and he wouldn't get home until late that night and I would be asleep so I texted him and that was probably the biggest heartbreak of all not having Josh there with me. I opted out of the surgery form to remove the tissue and took pills to start the process "naturally" Josh had to work that day to so he also couldn't be there that day to I was in so much pain, but honestly i truly believe that everything happens for a reason and I really am okay with everything that has happened, plus its only fair my dad gets to keep his first grandchild:) And everyones support has been so amazing I don't know what I would do without the People in my life, No one Ever said Life would be easy they just said it would be worth it:) and I can only choose to be happy:)